DAN THE NARWHAL!
by I-did-not-do-it-sort-of
Summary: One day a wizard grants Dan his ultimate lifetime wish...to be a rainbow pooping narwhal. But he can only poop the color yellow. He, and his companion Phil (who is turned into an alpaca), must travel across the world to find all six bags of maltesers, each granting him a new color to poop. Will he succeed? And why is Phil an alpaca? Find out in DAN THE NARWHAL!


It was at least 87 degrees out...maybe 93, and hotter than your mom. Dan, a wonderful youtuber man who gives us the gift of joy with his videos, decided to stay inside in air conditioning. One day making another joyous video, Dan was practicing twerking due to a dare and fell forward on his face in the most failure way possible.

As he lay on the floor looking up at the ceiling, eating his failure straight up, he realized how incomplete his life was. "I mean, I quit law and decided to take a break from all the stress and make Youtube videos which do make me happy, but I'm missing something. What could it be? WHAT?" He thought aloud.

Suddenly he realized that he had yet to fulfill his dream. A dream he has had since he was a child. A dream so intangible that no one ever believed he could achieve it. That dream of Dan's...that one special dream... Dan's one true dream was to become...a rainbow pooping Narwhal! With legs and the ability to breathe out of water. Then, at that moment, a magical wizard popped into his apartment and surprised Dan. He had long blue robes, a pointy hat with stars on it, a long white beard, and a bit of a chubby waist.

The wizard spoke. "Hello Daniel! I'm-"

"-The ice king from adventure time?"

"No…"

"Dumbledore?"

"No now shut-up you twat! I am a magical wizard who has come to make your wish come true."

"What? No way! You're going to make me the world's first pregnant man?"

"…no. But the thing you were just bawling about."

"Oh, my dream of becoming a rainbow pooping narwhal?"

"Yes…" Said the wizard. 'Why am I helping this undereducated kid again? Oh yeah! If I grant two more wishes I get two more stamps then a free ice cream at Wizards Creamery.' Thought the wizard.

"Yay!" Said Daniel.

"Yes, and I am doing this out of the goodness of my heart." He smiled. "Now I want you to stand up straight and close your eyes."

Dan obeyed.

"Alechanismachbech!" He said as he waved his powerful wand overtop of Dan.

"Hmm…" Dan said with his eyes still closed. "I don't feel any different." He said then opened his eyes. "Whoa! Oh my gosh! I'm a Narwhal! With legs!" He jumped for joy then admired himself in the mirror. "Oh yeah! Look at that tail shake." He said swinging his hips back and forth in front of the mirror.

"There are some things in this world that are unneeded for me to see…that would be one of them." The wizard said.

"Hey Dan, check out what I bought from the-WHOA!" Phil said as he walked through the door into the living room.

"Phil! Check it out, this wizard guy came and turned me into a rainbow pooping narwhal! Isn't it awesome?" Dan asked.

"Cool!" Phil said smiling.

"But wait! You aren't a rainbow pooping narwhal yet." The wizard said. "You can only poop the color yellow now. In order to poop all seven colors in the rainbow you must travel across the world at different locations to a certain area. At those locations, there will be a bag of maltesers for you. Each bag that you collect, you will be able to poop one extra color. In order to collect all six, you will need to overcome some obstacles. But they are easy enough!"

"Why didn't you just grant me the ability to poop all seven colors?" Dan asked.

"What do I look like to you, a genie?"

"I guess if it gets me to poop all seven colors…then I must go! I must do what a rainbow pooping narwhal with legs must do!"

"And I'll go with you to help you accomplish your dream!" Phil said.

"Great! Thanks Phil!"

"But-uh…I would like to become an alpaca first." He smiled innocently at the wizard.

"Oh alright!" The wizard said annoyed. He threw dust at Phil then he became an alpaca.

"Awesome!" Phil said. The wizard then handed Dan a map where all the maltesers were.

"Now we can go on an adventure together!" Dan said.

"And now I can get my free ice cream!' The wizard said.

"But who will watch our apartment for us?" Phil asked.

"I'll watch it just after I get my ice cream." The wizard said floating away.

"Can we really trust him Phil?" Dan asked.

"Of course, he's a wizard in bath robes, what's not to trust?" Phil asked.

"Alright!" Dan said jumping on Phil's back. "To the Sahara Desert!"

Then phil said. "Merherrrffffmm" And they charged!


End file.
